


A Three-Day Festival of Insanity and Partying

by catalyticGenesis



Series: Skaian Dreamers [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 15,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catalyticGenesis/pseuds/catalyticGenesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their parents are out of town for a while, so the Strider-Lalonde kids decide to have a huge sleepover party. ((discontinued))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

People always seemed to mention in their papers how very dysfunctional their families were. They didn’t even begin to compare to the Strider-Lalonde family. Rose could come home to find her brothers strifing in the kitchen, her sister asleep in the bathtub (No, there wasn’t any water. It just seemed like she had fallen into the bathtub and fallen asleep.), and her parents nowhere to be found. She would quietly inch up to her room so she could do anything else. Or maybe she’d watch her brothers fight or drag her sister out of the bathtub. The possibilities were endless. 

Looking up to the ceiling of her room, Rose found a note. Along with a smuppet. Her dad apparently had something to tell her, then. She stood up on her bed, realized that she’s still not tall enough to reach the ceiling, found something to stand on, and grabbed the note. She sighed. It said nothing more than to watch over your siblings, we’re going to be gone for an undetermined amount of time. Everyone else probably got a note like this, so everyone’s going to be attempting to take charge and lead. So, fun. 

And there they were. Somehow, Rose was the last one up. This is counting her sister, who was last seen asleep on the kitchen counter.  
“Rose. You up yet?”

“No, Dave, Dirk, and Roxy. In fact, I’m quite thoroughly asleep, and that is the exact reason I’m responding to you.”

“Oh. In that case, we’ll leave. C’mon, all you other people I’m related to.” Dave turned to leave, silently hoping everyone would actually follow his lead.

“I’m not related to you.”

“Yes you are, Roxy. We have the same mom, even though no one’s real sure who your dad is.” 

And then there was the subject of their weird family relationships. Rose were related to everyone, so was Dave, but Roxy and Dirk weren’t related to each other. Their family was just weird. At least they didn’t have cousins or any other relatives thrown into the mix. That would be the most hectic family ever. No, it was just the four of them and their parents, who weren’t even around half the time.

“Any of you want to do anything today?” Dirk looked around; surveying the little group that had assembled. It would just be the four of them for a few weeks.

“We have school today, Dirk,” Rose remind him.

“Let me rephrase. You want to cut school and do something today?”

“No, if we skip any more school we’ll most likely get in trouble. You can’t really impersonate our parents that well.” 

“Watch us. We’ll impersonate whoever we choose. C’mon, Roxy. You get the bathroom phone; I’ll take the kitchen phone.” 

“Which bathroom phone? We have like, sixteen bathrooms, and half of those have a phone in them.”

“Downstairs bathroom near the kitchen. Come on, they won’t accept the call after eight-thirty.” The two rushed downstairs to call in sick.

“Hello? Is this Skaia Middle School? Yes, it’s Mrs. Lalonde. I was calling in because Rose and Dave were sick today. They managed to get pinkeye from somewhere, and they’ll be back in three days. Yes, they have medicine. All right, thank you. Goodbye.” Roxy hung up, smiling over at Dirk. He gave her a thumbs up before continuing on to his own call.

“Is this Skaia High School? This is Mr. Strider. Roxy and Dirk caught pinkeye from their little siblings, and they have to stay home for three days. Okay, goodbye.”

They quickly ran back upstairs, eager to see who else was staying home.

“We all have pinkeye, and we’re out of school for the next three days.”

“Good going, Dirk. They haven’t even gotten suspicious once, have they?” Dave asked.

“Nope. How many of our friends are skipping school as well?”

“Let’s see. The entire Crocker-Peixes family caught the stomach flu, which means John, Jade, Jake, Jane, Meenah, and Feferi; everyone in the Maryam-Vantas household but Kankri has high fevers; Gamzee is having medicine issues; Aradia, Tavros, and Vriska encountered a dangerous and unusual plant during one of their expeditions, Damara, Rufioh, and Aranea encountered the same plant when ‘rescuing’ them; Terezi accidently ingested a highly toxic marker, Latula has to stay home and take care of her; and Eridan got attacked by a rogue deer,” Rose counted off. All of them were fairly convincing. Well, minus Eridan and the rogue deer. That wasn’t the best excuse ever, but it still worked.

~  
Spades Slick looked over at the vice principal, Mrs. Snowman. 

“Did they?”

“Yes, they are all skipping school. You really need to hear their excuses this time, it’s hilarious. One of them got attacked by a rogue deer.”

“Can’t they come up with better excuses? Anyways, why are we even letting them skip?”

“It’s all of our top students; they’re allowed to do pretty much whatever they want. I’m not even marking them absent this time.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Are our parents going to approve of our reckless party-throwing?” Dirk looked at the decorations everyone had already pulled out.  
“It’s not a party, get it right. It’s a three-day festival of insanity.” Dave looked down from his vantage point on the chandelier, clinging tightly while stringing up party lights. 

“Has anyone seen Roxy?”

“She went to Mom’s room.”

“Should we remind everyone to look out for the punch?”

“No.”

“Hey guys, we’re here to help! We heard it was going to be an entire party, so we brought assistance.” Jade looked down from the top of the stairs. “What’s Dave doing on the chandelier?” 

“Perfecting a special acrobatic maneuver.”

“Ah. Jane, Feferi, and Meenah decided they’d help out with food. They’re up there baking with Roxy.” Jade turned her head to the left, indicating they were in the main kitchen.

“Roxy, baking. Wasn’t she just-” Dave stared in horror down at Rose.

“Yes, she was. However, booze bakes out of most baked goods. We’ll be safe, and they confectioneries might taste especially good tonight,” she reassured him. However, she made a mental note to look out for sweets that didn’t need to be baked. 

A scream was heard from upstairs, then angry yelling. Jade’s eyes went wide. “That sounded like Meenah. I think I should go check that out.”

Rose nodded. “Yes, that would probably be in our best interests. I’ll come with you.”

It turned out someone had put an empty bowl on the floor. Meenah had been carrying two cakes to be put in the oven, stepped into the bowl, and fell over. Batter was everywhere.

“Who did this? I’m guessing this was a prank, but I don’t think it was Jane. She wouldn’t sabotage her own work. Was it John?” Rose observed the mess, pitying her friend. He would have to clean this all up. 

Meenah looked up, nearly completely covered in batter. “I think it was him. I am going to kill him and bake his entrails into a cake. Right after I get cleaned up, that is. I know there’re sixteen bathrooms, but I don’t see any.” 

“Yeah, I know where all of them are. C’mon, we’re using the one in my room. Like it or not, you need clean clothes.” Roxy grabbed Meenah by the arm, dragging her upstairs. 

“Help. This one’s abducting me. Help, I’m being kidnapped.”

“Jane, do you know where John went? He needs to clean up the mess.”

Jane got up, walked over to the large cabinet, and opened it. John fell out since he had been leaning on the door. “You were laughing. It doesn’t take an expert sleuth to find the source of the laughter. Now come on, you have cake batter to clean up.”

John visibly deflated, sighed, and got the mop. “Why do I always have to clean up? It’s not my fault Meenah’s uncoordinated.”

“You left a bowl there for her to trip over.”

“Where do I put the finished food? I just made a big pan of no-bake cookies.” Feferi gestured to her cookies, held in a pan big enough to feed the entire population of the Texas.

“Holy crap, how many times did you double the recipe?” Jade stared at the pan, how would they ever lift that?

“About three times. I’m not sure if that will be enough, though.”

“How many people do you plan on feeding? Are you going to mail it to Texas so you can end all hunger ever there?” John looked at the large pan, impressed by the sheer size of it. The cookies would taste heavenly and would probably disappear in a few minutes.

“Well, I don’t know who’s coming, but I know it’s at least ten. Rose and Dave invited twelve in total, but Nepeta, Sollux, and Equius couldn’t come, and Roxy and Dirk only invited a few people each.” 

“Around fifteen will probably be here. That’s if Roxy and Dirk only invited a few people,” Rose said. Those cookies wouldn’t hold them for very long.

“Oh, then the cookies won’t be enough. I don’t think even a pan that big is enough.” 

Feferi pointed to the gigantic pot on the stove. “I’m making another batch right now. I think two pans the size of planet Jupiter will hold everyone for at least a night.”

“Planet Jupiter. Didn’t Dave have a metaphor for vague reports of doomsday meteors coming to destroy Earth about that?” 

“What doesn’t Dave had a metaphor for? Either way, I’m going back downstairs to check what’s happening. I can’t bake, so I’m not really of any help up here.” Jade walked away to find the stairs, hopefully the right ones. She remembered hearing something about booby-trapped stairs.

Feferi observed the mess John was cleaning up. It was nearly done, so she could start on yet another cake soon. As she was getting the supplies, she heard something hit the window. Looking out the window, she saw it was Vriska, Aranea, Eridan, and Tavros. She assumed they would let themselves in, which they did.

“What’re you all doing? Baking? I’d help, but I’m not really going to, so I’ll just go downstairs. Oh, and hi, John.” Vriska observed the activities in the kitchen before leaving to find the stairs.

“I’ll follow her, so she doesn’t break anything, that might be important to everyone’s wellbeing. She can be, really, really destructive.” Tavros followed behind his sister, hoping to minimize the damage.

“I guess I’ll follow them too, ’cause I don’t have anything better to do. For some strange reason, I always get blamed for what my siblings do. It’s not a good thing.” Eridan shook his head, almost implying he wasn’t a part of any of their destructive activities.

“I’ll follow them, mainly because I don’t want to be responsible for any mess they make.” Rose headed downstairs behind them, mainly an excuse to avoid baking.

“Great. So much for extra help. Aranea, can you help, or do you have to go downstairs?” Feferi asked. Those three always rushed away from any chore they might be in danger of having.

“I’m not supposed to be near cooking utensils. Meenah took away my baking permit the last time I caught her hair in the oven.” 

“That explains a lot. All I noticed was that her hair was significantly shorter, and she refused to explain. I should have guessed a kitchen accident,” Jane decided. What in their house wasn’t caused by kitchen accidents? 

“Yeah, Mom banned Aranea from the kitchen in our house. She’s no longer allowed within fifteen feet of the kitchen. It’s unfortunate. I almost forgot about it until you reminded me.” 

“You can still be the official kitchen assistant. My hair’s too short to be caught in the oven and Feferi, well, she should have her hair up anyways. I doubt you can do that much damage, anyways.”


	3. Chapter 3

Jade sniffed the air and looked up to the first floor. “Guys? Do any of you smell smoke as well?” she asked worriedly. 

“Yeah. About that, we sort of left my older sister in the kitchen. So, there might be a bit of a fire or flood or explosion.”

“She’s, um, not really allowed in kitchens anymore. The last time she was over at your house, you as in Jade, she caught Meenah’s hair in the oven. It was rather, rather unfortunate.”

“So their mom banned her from ever being in the kitchen. As in forever,” Eridan summed up. 

Jade nodded. “Okay. So, you mean to say you left your sister, who is forever banned from the kitchen, in the kitchen?”  
Vriska nodded. “Yep, that was pretty much what we did.”

Suddenly, something slammed against a wall. As everyone looked around for the culprit, and no one was found, they all heard something.

“Oh, shit. The door’s blocked. Who piled their shit up against the wall?” 

Everyone turned their attention to the wall, presumably hiding a secret passage. There was a pile of boxes against it, along with a note: If Roxy is heard, do not move boxes. She is not allowed in this passage.

“Well, you heard the note. Roxy’s not allowed through that passage. Don’t move the boxes.” Dave shrugged, fairly unconcerned.

“You said this pass would be clear. You lied! Seriously, at least let me through. It doesn’t say anything about not letting Meenah through, does it? No. It doesn’t.” 

Dave looked over at Rose. “Should we let her through?”

“No. She was with Roxy. Either way, if we were to open the door, she would probably get through.”

“I’m not the only one in here! Everyone from the kitchen is here too. Serket destroyed the kitchen.”

“How was I supposed to know you can’t put aluminum foil in the microwave?”

“Why were you even putting it there in the first place?”

“I believe she assumed it was an acceptable substitute for an oven.”

“Can someone let us through already?”

“Yes, we will let you through, but Roxy has to stay in there. Can someone assist me in moving the boxes out of the way? I have no reason to doubt they’re filled with rocks.” Rose looked at the offending boxes; they were filled with either rocks or smuppets. Neither was a particularly good option. 

Everyone looked at the pile of boxes, no one volunteered. It would be fairly embarrassing to try and push them out of the way and fail pathetically.

“Oh, for crying out loud, I’ll do it.” Vriska walked over and easily kicked the boxes out of the way. “They’re filled with your dad’s weird puppets. Not rocks.”

“Well, I wasn’t prepared to go make a fool of myself while trying to move a box of rocks.”

“Did you guys move the boxes? Oh, yes, you did,” Roxy said. A strange sound was heard, like someone messing with a lock, and the wall opened to reveal a secret passageway. 

There were six people in there, all very eager to be let out. It appeared Meenah had recovered from the cake batter incident, since she was now wearing one of Roxy’s shirts and a pair of jeans, and she had gotten all of the batter out of her hair. Aranea, on the other hand, wasn’t faring so well. It looked as if someone had spilled most of a cake on her, and she hadn’t gotten cleaned up yet. 

“Oh, great, Aranea got caked. Come on, I guess I have to help you find a bathroom now.” Roxy grabbed her by the arm and left to go back up through the passage. 

“Has anyone else arrived yet? I’m surprised Terezi hasn’t shown up yet. She’s usually one of the first at any sleepover.”

“Yeah, she actually did eat a marker. I’m not sure if she’ll be here. Those markers are really kind of toxic.”

“Oh, well, that’s not what I expected. I thought that was just a disturbingly probable cover story. I don’t doubt that her diet has more art supplies than the average human’s does, but I’d expect she’d know better than to eat something poisonous,” Rose said, slightly concerned by this news. Marker ink was actually rather negative for one’s health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've caught up to the end of what's already written, so updates might be slower.


	4. Chapter 4

Another person walked down the stairs, hidden by the decorations.

“What in the world is all of this? Are there even any people down here? Oh, hello, Dave. Can you explain why you’re on the chandelier? I’m not sure if that’s the best perch for you.” Kanaya looked up at Dave, who was still perched on the lighting fixture.

“It was originally a special acrobatic maneuver. I might or might not be stuck up here now.”

“Rose, your brother is stuck on the chandelier. I think he might need slight assistance in getting down.”

“Nope, he’s fine. He got up there; he should be able to get down.”

“If you say so.” Kanaya took one more glance at Dave before returning her attention to Rose. “Karkat and Porrim are here, and Terezi and Latula just arrived as well. Karkat is currently arguing with Terezi, something about the ability/inability to taste and smell colors.”

“Terezi’s here? Great, she’ll laugh at me for being stuck up here.” Dave glanced down; the drop was more than he was willing to risk. 

“Karkat, look, Dave’s stuck on the chandelier!”

“Stop trying to distract me, we’re arguing here!”

“No, really, he’s actually stuck up there. Look at him.”

Karkat stopped to check if Terezi was lying. “Holy shit, he’s actually up there. How’d you get stuck there, Strider? Wait, let me guess. It’s ironic, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is indeed ironic. It’s possibly the most ironic thing I’ve ever done in my life. So ironic, it actually became sincere, then circled back to being ironic because it was just that damn ironic. But really, can someone help me get down?” 

“How’d you even get up there?”

“There was a ladder. Rose moved it to the other side of the room, though.” Dave stared accusingly at his sister. 

She shrugged; it wasn’t her fault the ladder had mysteriously moved across the room. “It wasn’t me. It was the puppet. He does things, and I get blamed for them.” 

“Okay, then, I take my accusation back. Dirk, I mean, Lil’ Cal, moved the ladder.” Dave looked around, hoping not to see the puppet. After he was satisfied with his analysis, he sat back down, only to jump up with a scream. “Oh holy shit it’s on the ceiling how on earth did that possessed thing get up there.”

“I’m not sure how it got up there. Maybe it is possessed,” Rose said to Dave. She poked Kanaya to get her attention, waving a roll of tape at her.

“Oh god it’s still watching me. Someone help. It’s staring at me. It’s judging me with those creepy eyes. I really don’t like this.”

“I’m leaving you up there until you get over your irrational fear of that puppet. He’s not even slightly intimidating. All he has are those creepy eyes, that weird smile, and okay, yes, he is scary, but not dangerous.”


	5. Chapter 5

“I’m back, and Aranea’s un-caked. How many more people are going to get caked? Rose, Dave, Dirk, they’re gonna need to borrow your clothes. For some reason, no one brought any extras.”

“Yeah, let’s hope no average sized sixteen year old boys come. They’d never fit in our midget brother’s clothes.”

“I’m still taller than you, Dave.”

“And that’s what, five-six? Not impressive, dude. Wow, you’re the size of a fourteen year old girl. Wow, so tall. I’m dwarfed by your remarkable height.” 

“Actually, he’s currently about six feet above you. So he’s, hmm, maybe eleven-three? I think that’s taller than you are, Dirk. Just a bit, though. When you hit your growth spurt, you’ll definitely be taller than he is. You’ll be over twelve feet tall.” 

“Oh, ha ha. You were so funny; it completely slipped my mind to laugh at your joke.” Dirk rolled his eyes. How could one’s family be so annoying? It was almost as if they were trying to annoy him. Oh wait, they probably were trying to annoy him.

“Actually, you did laugh at her joke. Or is ‘ha ha’ not an acceptable onomatopoeia for laughter anymore? I don’t know, but I think something’s wrong here.”

“Terezi, what are they doing?” Karkat whispered loudly. They sometimes got like this, and no one else was able to participate in their conversation.

“They’re having one of their passive-aggressive deeply ironic arguments/metaphorical psychoanalyses.”

“Where the hell did that term come from?”

“I have no clue.” 

Kanaya sighed. When they were all involved in something like this, it could go on for a currently undetermined amount of time. “Rose, Dave, Dirk, Roxy. Stop this immediately; you have a celebration to plan. Or did that completely slip your minds in favor of your highly competitive argument?” She glanced up to the ceiling. “You should also retrieve Dave from the lighting fixture. However spectacular his acrobatic maneuver was going to be, and however ironic his current predicament is, you do have an obligation to remove him from the chandelier. Your parents would be highly disappointed to return home to their son stuck on the supposedly decorative lighting fixture.”

“I’m impressed. You managed to hold our attention long enough we forgot to continue our argument. You win; we’ll go plan our celebration out down to the very last detail. Rose, can you go get the ladder and wheel it over? And while you’re at it, why don’t you take Lil’ Cal off the ceiling? I think we’ve terrorized Dave enough for this particular hour.” 

“Why don’t I take Lil’ Cal off the ceiling? Do I have any reason to? In fact, why should I remove Dave from the chandelier as well? Why don’t I just leave him there for the rest of eternity?”

“Because Kanaya said so, and someone appointed her boss of all of us? I don’t know, why don’t you just not take the ladder over here so I can’t get down?” Dave paused for a moment, considering what he had just said. “I honestly have no idea what the meaning of that sentence was. I really need to get out of the house more often; I’m starting to sound like you two. Which isn’t a good thing.” 

“No, you sound like us because you’re constantly arguing with us. You’re picking up on our verbal habits, and I like it as little as you do. Somehow, you’re picking up on Dirk’s accent. How can you even do that, he barely even has much of an accent of any type left?”

“It’s just Strider awesomeness. Don’t question it.” 

“I will question your so-called ‘Strider awesomeness’ as much as I please.”

“Okay, since it’s becoming fairly obvious none of you have any plans to help, I’m taking leadership of this project. Rose, Roxy, Vriska, Meenah, and Eridan. You’re going to the kitchen. Help out Jane and Feferi with baking. Dave, Dirk, Tavros, and Aranea. You’re in charge of making everything down here acceptable for the viewing by the general public. Terezi and Karkat. You’ll be rounding everyone up. I believe we lost Latula, Porrim, John, Jake, Jade, Aradia, Rufioh, and Damara. They arrived, but I haven’t seen them since.”

Everyone sighed; actual work in preparation for fun was so very different from actual fun.


	6. Chapter 6

“What am I even doing up here? I can’t cook.” Eridan looked around, unsure of exactly what to do.

“Helping out. You’re the official kitchen assistant. I’m sure you can measure things. If you can’t, you’ve clearly been living your life incorrectly.” Jane waved him over to where Roxy was balancing four different measuring cups, each full.

“I don’t cook. Actually, I’m not sure if anyone in our family can actually cook.”

“I’m sure someone in your family can cook. What prevents everyone from cooking?”

“Mom’s busy writing, constantly writing her pirate books. Who would have thought they’d get so popular? My dad’s busy not being around and Tavros and Rufioh’s dad is too busy rescuing animals and protecting their rights. Tavros is too clumsy to be in the kitchen, Aranea’s not allowed in any kitchens anymore, Cronus is too busy with his oh-so-important whatever he does, Rufioh’s always hanging out somewhere else, and cooking’s lame so I never learned anything. That sums up everyone’s reasons for not cooking.” 

Eridan started to head downstairs, but was quickly cut off by Jane.

“You seem to have forgotten about someone. What’s Vriska’s excuse for not cooking?”

Vriska put the tray of cookies she was holding in the oven and spun around, closing the door with her foot. “My excuse for not cooking? Where have you been, under a rock? I’m the one who cooks for the entire family, since everyone else is too busy with their stupid personal shit. If it wasn’t for me, everyone would be having food they burnt in the microwave for every meal. On an unrelated note, are we making anything other than sweets? 

“Burning food in a microwave. That’s not even possible.” Eridan walked in the general direction of the stairs, fully expecting to be cut off again.

“Were you not in here when Aranea nearly caught the kitchen on fire? How’d she do it? Burnt tinfoil in the microwave. Go downstairs already.” Meenah shoved him further in the direction of the stairs, nearly causing first stair-related accident of the night. He managed to recover right before falling down the stairs.

“Really? You’re sending me off? I’m so unappreciated,” he muttered to himself, displeased with his friends.

“Not as unappreciated as Cronus is!” Roxy yelled after him. “We invited everyone in your family but him. Imagine how he must feel.”

“Wait, Cronus isn’t invited? I could have sworn I saw him lurking in the bushes when we all arrived.”

“Oh shit. Does anyone know how to get him out of the bushes?”

“I don’t know how to get Cronus out of the shrubbery. Let’s hope he’s allergic to evergreens; that would get him out of the bushes. For now, let’s take the precaution of locking all the doors.” Rose headed off to check the doors for any lingering Amporas. 

“I said, are we doing anything other than baked goods? Sugar’s great and all, but I’d be impressed if anyone managed to survive on just sugary sweets for three days.”

Dave heard this from his point at the top of the stairs. He had come up to check out the no-bake cookies in the Jupiter-sized pans. “Is that a challenge I hear, Serket? I think that is a challenge. Alright, nothing other than sugary sweets for the next three days for this Strider. I’m heading back downstairs now, as you all seem to be managing just fine.”

Rose walked into the kitchen, content with her search of the shrubbery. “Vriska, I just heard the words ‘challenge’ and ‘Strider’ in the same sentence. What ridiculous challenge are you getting him to do? Just as a reminder, he’s not allowed to do the cinnamon challenge anymore. He inhaled most of it and had to be taken to the hospital.”

“I just said I doubted anyone could survive on nothing but sugary sweets for three days. And Dave, being the idiot he is, decided to take that as a challenge.”

“Are we really going to have to go back to baking spinach into brownies? I thought everyone had gotten over their anti-vegetable phase by now. It’s not right to have to make spinach brownies for the sole purpose of getting a thirteen year old boy to eat his veggies. He’s turning fourteen; does he really need his greens stealthily hidden under the front of chocolate?”

“Yes, I most certainly do. Veggies are icky, and I won’t eat them ever! And if you force me to, I’ll just have to do the mature act a tantrum is. Oh, and I’ll tire myself out doing do, and fall asleep immediately afterwards. Can’t forget that part. Now I’m actually leaving, not just lurking at the top of the stairs listening.” Dave headed back downstairs.

“Just as a note, I’m not responsible for anything he does when he has all of that sugar in his system. In fact, I’m not responsible for anything Dave does, ever.” Rose shook her head; he was going to get in all sorts of trouble by the end of this.


	7. Chapter 7

“Karkat, did they actually lose anyone, or were they just trying to get rid of us?” Terezi looked around, still seeing absolutely no trace of her reportedly missing friends.

“I’d usually say yes, they were trying to get rid of us. However, I know for a fact that Porrim and Latula were here when we arrived, so there are at least two missing. I guess all the others arrived, since most of their families are here.”

“But we’re not looking for Cronus, even though he’s here, because he’s not supposed to be here. I can only assume he’s made it upstairs by now, the last time I saw him he was hiding in the shrubbery.”

Karkat looked over into the smaller hallway that leads to all the kid’s rooms. “Terezi. He’s there.”

“Just keep walking and pretend you don’t notice him,” she whispered back, hoping he wouldn’t notice at all.

Cronus looked down the hallway at the pair, waved, and continued sneaking around. 

“He noticed us,” Karkat whispered in his absurdly loud whisper. Stage whispering was useful for drama club and plays, but really didn’t belong anywhere else. 

“No, Karkat. He didn’t notice us; he was just waving at the Ghost of Jaspers.”

“Ghost of what now?”

“Stop stage-whispering. Ghost of Jaspers. A dreadful and mysterious ghostly cat that has haunted this house ever since it was built.”

“Really?”

“No, not really. It’s just Rose’s dead cat.”

“Oh.”

“Guys! It’s you! We kind of got lost on the way to fetch cooking supplies, and never really managed to find our way back.” Jade approached the pair, eager to be found.

“We? Who’s the rest of we?”

“I’ve got John and Aradia with me right now. We had Jake, Rufioh, and Damara at some point, but we lost them as well. I’m not good at keeping track of things. Or people. People are things, right?” Jade looked behind her, hoping the rest of her group was still there. To her surprise, they hadn’t all left yet. 

“We’re all here. Well, I don’t know where Jake, Rufioh, and Damara went, but they’re not important.”

“I wonder if they got locked in a closet. I heard rumor most of the bedrooms have automatically locking closet doors,” Aradia wondered. She remembered hearing about the time Dave was locked in Rose’s closet all day and no one noticed he was gone. Well, the part about no one noticing was debatable, because Rose had most likely been in her room, and probably just paid no attention to Dave.

“The closets here lock automatically? That explains why I couldn’t get out the last time Dave locked me in his closet, he hadn’t just put a refrigerator in front of it,” John said. He had actually believed the fridge story, it was fairly logical. Dave did have a fridge in his room, and he might have been able to move it.

“What? Dave locked you in a closet, by putting a fridge in front of the door? Somehow, I don’t quite believe that.” Jade shook her head, amazed by how thick her brother could be sometimes. Moving a refrigerator in front of a door was possible, but the thing was huge and didn’t have wheels, and Dave wasn’t that strong.

“Can we all stop arguing and just find the other five? For the record, I didn’t volunteer, I was involuntarily volunteered by Kanaya. She put herself in charge, even though it’s quite obvious who the leader-ly one here is.” 

“Ooh, let me try! It’s John, isn’t it? No, maybe it’s Jade. No, it’s defiantly Terezi. She just looks like she’s in charge here.” 

“No, dipshit. It’s me, I’m the leader here. If you don’t like it, you can go find them by yourselves.” Karkat surveyed his group with what he hoped was a commanding stare. 

“Oh, okay. We don’t like it, so we’re leaving.” 

“No, you shitheads, you’re not supposed to do that. You’re supposed to be quiet and listen to me and be obedient little minions, not start your own anarchy-fueled little group.”

“I think we’ll do whatever we want in our anarchy-fueled group, as we have no government.” 

“Yeah, it usually works that way. We were walking away and leaving Karkat, remember?” Aradia tugged on Jade’s sleeve, urging her to leave. 

“Yes, Aradia, we’re leaving now. Karkat, you can follow us if you want, but you can’t demand unreasonable positions of power.”  
Karkat considered for a second. “Since when is being leader and unreasonable demand? I am the leader of all of you, and if you don’t like it, you can leave.”

“One, you just did it again, and two, being leader is an unreasonable demand when we’re being anarchists.”


	8. Chapter 8

“You guys weren’t supposed to put me on the chandelier instead of Dave. It doesn’t work that way.” Aranea looked down from the chandelier, yelping and drawing back when she realized just how high up she was.

“Yeah, we were supposed to put you up there. You’re just as destructive as your little sister, and let me tell you, that’s real impressive. It’s a… a health and safety regulation precaution liability issue I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. But really, you’re better up there and can do significantly less harm.” Dave went back to stringing up lights, while Tavros and Dirk unfolded tables. 

“No, I’m not destructive, just accident-prone. I’ve already been banned from the kitchen, am I banned from the ground as well?”

“Yeah, you’re banned from the ground until further notice. Kan, take a note, ’Nea’s banned from touching the floor until further notice.”

“Oh, Eridan, why are you back down here? I assigned you kitchen duty, why aren’t you helping out? You’re supposed to be doing something useful, not standing around forbidding people from touching floors.” Kanaya pointed him in the general direction of the stairs, in case he had forgotten where they were located. 

“Can’t do anything in the kitchen, they kicked me out for being useless.” Eridan shrugged, feeling generally unappreciated.

“Okay then. Why don’t you go unfold tables with Dirk and Tavros? I’m sure they could use a little help, seeing as Tavros is currently stuck under one he tried to unfold by himself, and Dirk has just discovered that the tables are actually rather heavy.”

Eridan sighed, yet more work. He couldn’t lift the tables any better than the two already busy with the task, so why even bother?   
“You’re going to bother because I told you to, I know how to use a chainsaw, and I also know where you live. Is that an adequate threat? Do you wish for me to add more?”

“Nope, not scared,” Eridan insisted, although he visibly shuddered at the thought of a chainsaw. Especially Kanaya wielding a chainsaw. “I think you should add more, ’cause I’m not getting that scared.”

“More, you say? I can say much more, fears you buried so deep you forgot they existed, traumatic experiences you’ve forgotten, and, most importantly, boo.” Kanaya had been approaching Eridan the entire time, and was close enough to whisper the last part in his ear.

Eridan shrieked, running to hide behind something.

“Eridan, I think you broke the threshold of pain and killed all the dolphins with that. All the save the whales campaigns are going down because one person got too scared by the monster in the basement.”

“Metaphors, Dave. I don’t do them, and I stubbornly refuse to interpret them. However, I don’t think ‘monster in the basement’ quite fits Kan. More like vampire in the basement. And I didn’t scream, and if I did, it wasn’t loud enough to kill dolphins”

“For all of your stubborn refusal to interpret the metaphors, you seem to be doing quite a good job at grasping the deep meaning of them. Care to share your wisdom with us on the topic of the meaning of life? We’ve been puzzling over that in our free period in school.” Kanaya looked to the side, seeing something out of place. She moved the offending table a few feet to the right, smiling at the result.

“Free period? I was under the impression it was some sort of elective class. I mean, we have done everything from contemplating the meaning of life to reading shitty romance novels and having book club in that room, but it’s a free period? We can do whatever we want?”

“No Dave, I’m fairly sure one of the periods you’ve noted as free is actually our US History class, and the other one is an elective class. But the electives only happen a few times a week, usually fairly irregularly, so we just gather in the room we usually gather in, read our trashy teen romance novels, contemplate the meaning of life, and do anything else that pops into our minds.”

“Am I allowed to get down yet? I promise I’ll go help Karkat and Terezi, and not bother you at all.” Aranea leaned forwards, trying to get Kanaya’s attention.

“Aranea? How did you get up there…never mind that, I’m sure there’s a valid reason as to why you’re up there. But yes, you can get down, and yes, you can go find Karkat and Terezi.” Kanaya pushed the ladder over to the chandelier. 

Aranea climbed down carefully. As she hopped down, she looked Kanaya straight in the eyes, with the look of ‘I know exactly what I’m about to do, and you can’t make me apologize.’ She skipped off, ramming right into the arrangement of tables and decorations Kanaya had been working on perfecting for a while. “Oh my, did I really just run into that painstakingly perfected arrangement? Sorry, I’m just really clumsy, I guess.” She looked back at Kanaya, smiling in a perfectly innocent way.

Kanaya looked at the wreckage of perfection, while the boys backed away quietly. “Oh, she is so going to regret doing that,” she growled, a sound before thought to be mastered only by wolves. 

“Y’know, I restate my earlier conclusion. She’s the werewolf in the basement.”


	9. Chapter 9

Kanaya stormed up the stairs. That bitch had done it on purpose, and she herself hadn’t even done anything. Hell, she had brought Aranea the ladder, why take revenge on someone who helps you?

At the top of the stairs, she encountered the mess that had probably, at one point, been the kitchen. The cake batter mess from before hadn’t been cleaned up, and it had started attracting other messes, adding up to one great big mess. Someone needed to make a metaphor about planets forming compared to the mess, but both Striders were downstairs.

“Vriska, have you seen your older sister anywhere? I have something I need to say to her,” Kanaya said pleasantly, her expression completely ruining any hope of looking pleasant in the least bit.

Vriska backed up a few steps. “Uh, Maryam, you okay there? No, I’m not going to ask.” She tensed, shifting her stance a bit, her eyes revealing slight panic. “She went in that direction.” Vriska pointed to the stairs, relaxing as Kanaya left the room.

“Whoah, Serket, you got scared. What’s she done that got you that scared? ’Cause you’re usually kinda fearless, and she’s not scary or anything.” Meenah rolled her eyes; Kanaya wasn’t frightening in the least bit. She went back to stirring her batter, not listening for Vriska’s answer.

“You haven’t seen her on a…” Vriska looked around, trying to find a good description. “Bad day, let’s go with that. ’Cause holy shit, she’s scary. Worse than Lalonde on a bad day. Which, I have to say, that’s pretty impressive.”

“Damn, she’s that bad? Rose’s really kinda disturbing at best, downright terrifying at worst. How bad’s it physically possible to be without, I don’t know, we need some metaphors to fill in the blank.” Meenah looked around, wondering if they had any of those fill-in-the-blank books. The Striders would have a hell of a time with those. 

“Guys? Did we ever make anything other than dessert? I’m looking around, and I can only see dessert, so we’re all taking Dave’s dare on, I guess.” Jane checked again, nope, still just sweets.

“Oh shit, we were supposed to make actual food? No one told me, so I just made a bunch of cookies.” Meenah looked down at the tray of cookies she was holding. “I made a lot. Like, really a lot. Most of the stuff on the counter’s mine.”

Rose surveyed the counters. “We filled the entire kitchen with cookies. Well, we have another kitchen, so let’s go.” She exited the room, leaving everyone to follow her.

“Were we really supposed to be making actual food? No one told me, so kept making dessert. I think we’ve got enough cookies and cakes to last us the entire time.”

“Oh well, who needs actual food? Only wimps, that’s what I’m saying.” Meenah shrugged, happy to continue baking. Baking was a thing she did, and a thing she did well. Really, everyone in her family but Jade could bake, and Jade was just an entirely different story. The last time she was baking, she got distracted by an article about the difference between nuclear physics and quantum physics. She nearly caught the kitchen on fire while obsessing over the laws subatomic particles followed and how they differed from the rest of the universe, leaving Jane to save the burnt cookies and prevent the fire. Jade’s not supposed to be near kitchens anymore. Jake wasn’t the best at conventional cooking, but he was the best at all of the ‘just add water’, ‘nearly ready without you doing anything’ things, pretty much any no-effort cooking. 

“Who needs actual food? Most of the population of the world, that’s who. We can’t all survive on just sweets and water, no matter how much you may believe the contrary.” Jane sighed, pulling yet another cake out of the oven. She searched the kitchen for a place to set it, and, finding nowhere, settled on putting it in the empty dishwasher.

“I think I’m hearing a dare from you, Crocker. Am I hearing a dare from you?”

“Oh no, not you. I am not being held responsible for your inability to recognize when someone’s not daring you, just stating a simple fact.”

“I’m not real sure what you’re saying, but I’m pretty sure there was a dare there. Challenge accepted!”


	10. Chapter 10

As she led the others to the second kitchen, Rose heard a noise. Startled, she turned to find that no one was following her. If so, what had made the noise? Cronus was in the house. Oh no. That must mean that he made the noise, and since there was no one near her, that must mean, he was upstairs in the bedrooms. 

She rushed to find the right flight of stairs, quickly scaling them to keep Cronus out of her room. As she reached the top, she scanned the hallway for any signs of life. All she found was Karkat, who had fallen asleep on the carpet. She quickly stepped back, hoping not to wake him. When Jade’s group returned to the kitchen, they had said something about leaving Karkat alone upstairs. Which would make him angry, which wasn’t something she wanted to deal with, now or ever. 

Of course, her luck would choose right then to run out. She never had any of the luck. None of it, never. 

Karkat chose that exact moment to wake up from his nice, peaceful nap. 

“What the hell…Lalonde? What are you even doing here?” Karkat asked, blinking a few times to make sure it wasn’t Cronus.

“I was taking measures to ensure Cronus doesn’t make it any further than he already has.”

“Yeah, well, you’re a tad late. He made it to your room, not your room specifically, but into someone’s room.”

“Let’s hope he made it to a closet. They lock automatically, so he’d just be trapped until someone let him out. In fact, let’s hope he found Roxy’s closet specifically, she leaves mousetraps around to dissuade people from poking around.”

“He screamed earlier, I just put it up to the stupidity that’s apparently genetically transmitted through all Amporas.”

“He was screaming in agony because the sheer amount of stupidity in his brain was painful? In all honesty, I don’t doubt that. But, the mousetraps would certainly cause pain, and pain causes screaming. Come on, we’re going to check Roxy’s closet. Actually, you should just check Dirk’s closet. I have no reason to doubt that he leaves knives embedded in the carpet; they’re a sure way of discouraging visitors from coming back.” Rose headed off to her sister’s room. 

It was a mess, but presumably a carefully controlled mess. Clean enough no one would be snooping through it, but messy enough no one would stumble upon something they shouldn’t. And there were most certainly things one wouldn’t wish to stumble upon. 

There was the closet door, which had been repurposed to serve as a bulletin board. Rose carefully knocked on it, not disturbing any of the drawing hung up. The drawings were easily recognized as characters from Rose’s writing, Complacency of the Learned. Roxy had offered to illustrate it, which had quickly turned into a full-scale graphic novel. Now, whenever Rose went to publish a chapter online, she had to wait for Roxy to finish up the respective pages. Complacency of the Learned had even been featured in Dave and Dirk’s shared webcomic, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. 

Impatient, Rose knocked again, this time significantly harder. 

Someone inside yelped; went silent, presumably collecting themselves; and answered the door. “Who’s there? Better not be someone sent to collect me.”

“Cronus, you’re technically not here, so why would anyone be sent to collect you? Anyways, I was just notifying you that the closet door is locked, and you’re not getting out anytime soon.”

“Damn. I knew something was off; the door shouldn’t have clicked shut behind me. But now I’m locked in a girl’s closet.”

Rose suddenly realized that hey, locking someone like Cronus in Roxy’s closet, maybe not the best idea. “Okay, I’m letting you out, but you have to come with me and do exactly what I tell you to.” She cautiously unlocked the door, punching in Roxy’s too-easy-to-guess passcode. Her birthday, 12/4. One-twenty-four. Might be a fairly good password, that is, if Rose didn’t share the exact same birthday.

She led him over to the window in the sitting room and opened it. “Get out there.”

“What? Why do you want me out there? Rooftop kissing? Seems a little early for that.”

Rose sighed, shaking her head no. “Get out there, you sick pervert. I am not in the mood for dealing with your shit, and I am most certainly not in the mood for a relationship. Now or ever.”

Cronus shuffled out onto the room, mumbling something about being unappreciated. “Why did you want me out here? I mean, the rooftop kissing was a bit of a fantasy, and I’d much rather do that with your sister, but I am open to doing that. Is that the reason I’m out here?”

Rose narrowed her eyes, smiling. “No. You’re out there just so I could do this.” She slammed the window shut, flipping the lock shut. “And just so you know; it’s reinforced glass. It can withstand a couple bullets; I don’t think you’ll be doing much damage.” She walked off to collect Karkat, content with the party’s protection from Cronus Ampora.


	11. Chapter 11

Porrim strode down the hallway, occasionally stopping to check that her companions were still following her. No, no such luck. They had stopped, clumped in the middle of the hallway. She sighed, approaching them.

“What exactly are you debating this time, how important is this conversation, and how quickly can I get you to stop under the promise of baked goods?”

“Fiduspawn, very important, three minutes.” Latula barely glanced up, her conversation was very important.

“I’ll come. Only if I have baked goods though.” Damara looked up, her attention fully on Porrim. Baked goods were good, just as the name implied.

“Okay. We have two-fifths of the group converted. Maybe we can actually make it downstairs within the next half-hour.”

“Downstairs quickly is good. Within the next half-hour is even better. Means baked goods faster.”

“Why do you always talk in such broken English? It’s not as if you don’t know proper sentence structure, I know for a fact you do.”  
Damara shrugged, thinking her answer over a bit. “It’s hard to properly construct sentences. Grammar is hard, stupid, and no one cares if I talk broken English.”

“Grammar is stupid? I think Jane could argue you out of that mindset.”

“There’s… what do Striders call it…”

“Irony?” Porrim supplied.

“Irony. Yes. That has irony. Jane uses wrong grammar sometimes.”

“Has irony? Is ironic,” she gently corrected her friend. 

Her friend responded maturely. Flipped her off and stuck her tongue out. Very mature. The absolute height of maturity.

“Damara, just for a second, could you quit that?”

She stopped, considering. She lowered her hands, “One second. One second is up.” and went right back to her previous action.  
“I feel like I’m dealing with a group of children here.”

Rufioh looked up; the conversation had finally caught his attention. “Technically, we’re still children until we hit legal adult age. Which is, uh, eighteen? No?”

“Twenty-one is when you get all the ‘official adult privileges’. Like drinking. So I guess we’re not adults until we have all the privileges they get.”

“Latula, honestly? You’re talking about underage drinking while we’re at a house so full of alcohol it could be considered a fire hazard.”

“Don’t drink the punch!” Jake added.

“What punch? Just booze with food color. No punch whatsoever.” Damara rolled her eyes, how could everyone not already know about the ‘punch’. The punch was always spiked, and she suspected all the house’s residents had built up a certain immunity to it.

“Sadly she’s right. The punch doesn’t really exist.” Porrim sighed; she had indeed found that out the hard way. 

“There’s a noise from the window.” Damara glanced over at the window, which someone was knocking on.

“It’s only Cronus. This does raise the question of why he’s out there, but I don’t think that’s too important.” Porrim reached up, pulling the curtains shut. 

“You just shut Cronus out there on the roof,” Jake stated, slightly confused. “Shouldn’t we be helping him out from his precarious post on the roof?”

“Cronus can stay on his precarious post for however long he wants, and we’re not helping him. And that’s final.” 

“Why aren’t we helping him? He’s a decent fellow, once you get over all the unpleasant bits.”

Porrim turned to look at him. “If you get over all the unpleasant bits, what’s left? Absolutely nothing. We’re leaving him out there because he’s out there for a reason. Did you know he wasn’t even invited here?”

“Well, why wasn’t he invited? No one likes to be left out, and what has he even done wrong?”

Everyone stared at him, completely unable to comprehend what he was asking. Suddenly, everyone regained composure and started listing reasons. 

“I can’t even get how you don’t know about all the stuff he does. He stalks all of us at some point, but mostly Meenah.”

“General harassment.”

“Refuses to take no for an answer.”

“Doesn’t understand one partner is enough for everyone but him.”

“Personal space.”

“He just doesn’t get it.”

“All around bad person.”

“No redeeming points.”

“No.”

“None whatsoever.”

“Nope, not at all.”

“Okay, I get it. Stop ragging on him now, I get the point. He just doesn’t have people skills, is that a problem?”

“Vriska has better people skills than him. She bites people who touch her without warning.”

“Well, yes, but Cronus never bites.”

“That’s not even a redeeming point. Most people don’t bite; do you typically see that under personal strengths? ‘Does not bite’. What an accomplishment.”

“Look, maybe he’s not the best fellow out there, but he’s most certainly not the worst.”

“Who is the worst then?”

“I don’t want to peg it on just one person; there are plenty of horrible people out there.” Jake looked away, this conversation was going in a direction he didn’t quite follow.

“Yeah, gotta share the love. Credit all the horrible people, good job on equality.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I know at least a few people are reading this, who do you think has the least accurate characterization? I know Jake's a problem, Kanaya's one too, and Dirk's challenging, but other than that, I'm not sure who I'm writing off.


	12. Chapter 12

Hours of yelling at everyone later, everything was finally mostly ready. Jane rounded everyone up to make dinner, Kanaya supervised decoration, Terezi’s search party found everyone, Cronus was sighted and ignored multiple times, and everyone started arriving.

Jade leaned into the staircase. “Equius and Nepeta just arrived!” 

“Wait, what?” Dave turned to shout back at Jade. “They said they weren’t coming!”

“I’m just letting people in; you guys know who belongs and who doesn’t. Oh, wait. Nepeta’s coming to explain.”

Nepeta bounded down the stairs, nearly running into the wall at the bottom. 

“Nepeta, you said you were busy. What gives?” 

“Oh, we weren’t busy. I just didn’t want to come help set up!” She smiled, prancing off to find food. 

“How on earth did you convince Equius that you weren’t needed to help?”

Nepeta turned back, smirking. “Messed with his alarm clock. He sleeps like a rock.”

“Rocks don’t sleep,” Dave considered.

Meenah carefully walked down the stairs, balancing a total of three cakes. “I know you’re busy and shit, but really, I've been carting these cakes around for way too long. No one’s telling me where they go, just sending me up and down the stupid goddamn stairs.

Nepeta perked up, cake was good. “What kinds of cake? I could gladly take one off your paws.”

“I’ve got angel food, chocolate technically the alcohol baked out of it cake, and some no-bake cookies poured into a spring-form pan. And no, you can’t take them off my ‘paws’.”

“Good job, Meenah. We’ve been trying to name all the staircases so we don’t have to say ‘basement staircase near kitchen’. You’ve helped us out. This stairway is now called Stupid Goddamn Stairway.” Dave walked over, grabbing the chocolate technically the alcohol baked out of it cake. He carted it over to a table; carelessly shoving Kanaya’s oh-so-carefully arranged decorative arrangement of various descriptions aside. 

Jade leaned into the the stairway. “Gamzee’s here! And I’m pretty sure that’s everyone, right? Rose, Dave, Dirk, Roxy, Jane, Jake, John, me, Meenah, Feferi, Aradia, Damara, Terezi, Latula, Karkat, Kanaya, Porrim, Vriska, Aranea, Tavros, Rufioh, Eridan, Cronus is here but he doesn’t count, Nepeta, Equius, and Gamzee,” she said in one breath, gasping for air when she had finished. 

“Just let me ask, who on earth thought it would be a brilliant idea to have twenty-six teenagers in a house for three days. Without supervision!” Rose could already saw how this was going to end. They would all be standing outside in the boat watching the house burn down. ‘Damn, that wasn’t supposed to happen’, Dave would say. Before this, however, he would say the famous last words: ‘Here, hold my drink and watch this.’ When asked if this is a good idea, he would say: ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’

“I think that was Roxy. Who should probably be renamed the queen of brilliant ideas. Really, she has the best ideas ever. ‘Hey, why don’t we have a three-day festival of insanity and partying without parental supervision?’ Sounds like a brilliant idea, the kind that only comes from Roxy Lalonde.”  
“If by brilliant you mean inexplicably stupid, then yes, that does describe our sister perfectly. However, if you mean that literally, I believe you’re living in a parallel universe where Roxy is mature and responsible.”

“What parallel universe are you talking about? In all the parallel universes I’ve encountered, Roxy was just as bad as this one. The parallel universe you’re going on about is called a nightmare.” Dave shook his head; he would hate to be in that universe.

“Cakes? Have you already forgotten about the cakes? There’s more in both kitchens, they really need loving homes located on tables,” Meenah yelled, hoping to get everyone’s attention. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work as planned. All it did was bring Roxy and Dirk downstairs with more cakes.

“Yeah, we got cake. Lots of cake. Possibly all the cake.”

“Possibly all the cake that has ever touched the Earth.”

“You’re both wrong. There’s much more cake up in the kitchens. Just put the cake somewhere, I don’t know or care where.” Meenah vaguely gestured at the room, providing no help whatsoever on where to put the cake. 

“Thanks, now we know exactly where to put the cake. Wait, no, I forgot, your vague gesturing didn’t help. Roxy, any ideas on where the cake goes?”

“I think she meant we should smear it around the room, as that’s clearly where she gestured.”

“Just shove one of the decorations away and put it on a table. Kanaya clearly meant for us all to shove them outta the way, ’cause why else would she have spent hours perfecting there?” Meenah pointed at the tables, because they were too thoroughly hidden for anyone to find. Or not. 

“Okay, clear table of decorations, insert cake.” Dirk walked over, shoving the decorations onto the floor.

“Won’t Kan be mad ’bout that?” Roxy set her cake on a clear table, hoping to avoid any confrontation with Kanaya.

“Nah, of course she won’t be mad. She put them there just so we could shove them off, didn’t you hear Meenah?”


	13. Chapter 13

Feferi turned to Jane. “Where are all these cakes going? Everyone said there’s no room anywhere, and Kanaya has already, um, convinced everyone that her decorations are not to be touched, and she took up all the space with those.”

“What exactly do you mean by ‘convinced’? Surely she didn’t bring any weapons; the worst she could smuggle in would be a pocket knife.” Jane shook her head, ready to go persuade Kanaya about the decorations.

“Yeah, about that. Did you know she keeps a chainsaw in the garage? Yeah, neither did I.”

“In all honesty, really? She had to cross the line to threaten you with that thing? I am beyond sick of that excuse. ‘I can’t do it, Kanaya has a chainsaw.’ She overuses that threat.”

“She might overuse it, but it’s still a good threat. Remember the time Eridan pissed her off really badly? That one time?”

Jane considered for a second. “No, actually, I don’t. Mainly because that was the day we went on our ninth grade field trip to the aquarium. Those poor people that were previously occupying the aquarium. They never saw it coming.”

“That was a pretty unfortunate accident. Do you know if they ever found the penguins?”

“No, they didn’t say.”

“Okay. Well, when you were on your field trip, we were over at Kanaya’s. Eridan was being especially bothersome, and Kanaya told him to stop, many times. Then she went and got the chainsaw, because it was pretty obvious Eridan didn’t believe her threats. And it ended… badly.” Feferi looked down, not ready to tell the rest of the story. That would have to wait for another time.

“Well, anyways, how likely is Kanaya to actually hurt one of us? I’m not saying she wouldn’t, but the consequences from such an action would be tremendous.”

“She has caused hundreds in property damage. And this is if we’re not counting the mysterious tree accidents.”

“Mysterious tree accidents? I’ve never heard of these mysterious tree accidents,” Jane wondered. She probably didn’t really want to know, as with all things relating to her friends/friends’ little siblings.

“Well, occasionally, when someone has really irritated Kanaya, a tree falls and causes property damage. We put it up to overachieving beavers that learned how to use a chainsaw to be more effective.”

“Let me guess, whenever any property damage is caused, you immediately resort to blaming wildlife. No one’s parents have become wise to this trick?”

“Yeah, we do. Anyways, since you’ve been no help whatsoever, I’m just going to shove these cakes on a table downstairs. Bye!” Feferi grabbed a few cakes, balanced them carefully, and headed downstairs.

As she descended, a mysterious splat was heard.

“Well shit, there goes the ice cream cake. I hope there was more than one of those, it looked good,” Dirk commented, nodding.

“The cake is on the wall,” Roxy observed. “How did the cake get on the wall?”

“It’s sliding down the wall. I had thought that was something that happened only in cartoons.”

“Of course cakes slide down walls, simple fact of physics. Or does the all-knowing Rose Lalonde not know that? A gap in your impenetrable wall of knowledge?” 

“Dave, would you kindly shut the hell up? Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Uh, guys? Mom just texted me with a rather concerning question. Why so many kids are sick this week for exactly three days, and what is with this rouge deer. Apparently, Eridan’s excuses are always similar. There was the rabid horse, the cow with mad cow disease, there was a cat that mauled him, and the list just goes on.” Roxy looked up, concerned. How were they going to explain this to their parents? 

“What? How did she find out? Oh, why must our mom be so intent on having connections everywhere?” Rose sighed; they were often prevented from doing fun things by their mom. 

“Nope, we’re all good. Bro says it’s fine if we have a party, just don’t burn the house down or anything like that.” Dirk nodded, Bro would usually negate Mom’s suggestions on what not to do.

Rose blinked, considering an earlier thought. “The boat’s still out there, it can be used as a refuge if we do happen to set fire to the house, right?”

“Um, yeah. Why do you ask?”

“No reason in particular.”


	14. Chapter 14

“Everyone, come here, it’s dinnertime!” Jane shouted. “Food is in the kitchen, brownies are for Dave and Meenah, don’t eat them if you’re not Dave or Meenah.”

Everyone came to the kitchen to claim their food. The food disappeared within a few minutes, leaving a few sad people stranded without food.

Meenah approached Jane with her plate of brownies. “Y’know, no matter how much you try to fool me, you’re failing. I mean, you got Strider, I’ll give you that, but you really think you can fool me with your goddamned spinach brownies? I mean, really? Really?” She dropped the plate for emphasis. It shattered, leaving a huge mess of china. 

Dave looked up. Had Meenah just said these were spinach brownies? That would explain why they tasted wrong. They were contaminated with offensive plant matter. He gagged, trying to get the horrible stuff out of his system. 

“See, now look what you’ve gone and done. Neither of you are going to get proper nutrition now. In three days, when you just collapse on the floor, don’t blame me. I tried to help.” Jane shook her head, exasperated. 

“C’mon Strider, let’s go find some cotton candy!” Meenah grabbed Dave, rushing off to the kitchen cabinets to search.

“Yeah, I’m cool with this. Cotton candy is one-million percent better than spinach brownies will ever be.”

“Only one-million percent? C’mon, you can do better than that. I mean, I’d get it if, say, Crocker or someone equally lame couldn’t, but you’re supposed to be good at this kind of stuff”

“Don’t go insulting my awesome million-percentages. You’re telling me you can come up with a better percentage than one million? Doubtful.”

“Infinity percentage.”

“Damn, you’re good,” Dave sighed.

“But seriously, we can’t stand here and hope the cotton candy comes to us. Wish it would, but it doesn’t really do that.” Meenah headed off to the kitchen, expecting Dave to follow, which he did.

They spent a while searching the kitchen, with no sign of cotton candy anywhere.

“Where the hell do you people keep your food? I can’t find anything here, and I was able to find all the baking stuff earlier.” Meenah shook her head, confused.

“I dunno,” Dave said, shrugging vaguely. 

“Really? Don’t you, like, live here or something?”

“Yeah, but why do I need to know where food is down here? I just sorta open the cabinets ‘till I find what I want.”

“You’re pathetic, Strider.”

“I might be pathetic, but it’s a badass kind of pathetic, a thoroughly ironic kind of pathetic.”

“No, no, it’s just pathetic.” Meenah reached behind a box of crackers, and finally found the cotton candy. “Ah, here it is.”

“Hey, hand it over! Striders are hungry!” Dave reached for it, Meenah holding it out of his range. 

“Nope, you’re too badass pathetic to have it. Only normal pathetic or badass people can have it.”

“How does it even work that way? I qualify for both of your lame requirements, so therefore I should get twice as much.”

“How does it even work that way? It just does,” Meenah stated, ripping open the bag and shoving a handful in her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that we've gotten into the actual sleepover part, I will take ideas for what they should do if anyone has them.


	15. Chapter 15

Rose looked up at the screen. “Anyone have any idea what we’re watching? I remember a lot of arguing over what to put in, but I don’t remember anyone agreeing.”

“I don’t know, Dirk suggested it mockingly, ahem, ironically, and both Karkat and John agreed to give it a chance.” Vriska nodded over to John and Karkat, who were both staring intensely at the screen. “See, Karkat actually shut his mouth for once.”

“Actually, it appears he didn’t. It’s still hanging open, and he’s occasionally shoveling popcorn into it. So no, we still haven’t seen Karkat with his mouth closed for any period of time.”

Vriska leaned over, flopping onto Rose. “This is boring. Why can’t we have a better movie, or do something interesting for once?” she whined.  
“I don’t know why, but I know the blame can be pinned completely on Dirk. He suggested the movie; therefore, he caused all of your problems.”

“Yeah, but he’s your brother. Therefore, he’s your responsibility.”

“Your logic fails this particular test. Older siblings are responsible for their little siblings, and Dirk’s the older sibling here.”

“Well, screw your logic, he’s your problem.”

Rose smiled; she knew she had won this particular argument. “Well, I don’t have control over Dirk. All I have is an unusually heavy book that is rather a useful projectile.”

“You still have that thing? I swear, you have multiple copies strewn about your house.” Vriska rolled her eyes as Rose pulled her book out. She threw it at Dirk.

It hit his head with a satisfying thud, and he looked over in their direction. “Rose, grimoires are not projectiles. Especially this damn thing. Who needs this many pounds of words about creatures that don’t even exist?” He shook his head, tossing the grimoire back to Rose.

“I need that many pounds of words about creatures that may or may not exist. Remember, it’s for summoning them, which would put their existence as definite.”

“You people are insane. I’m glad I’m well out of your family. I might go insane if I had to spend any more time with you people.”  
“You’re also implying you’re not completely insane as well, which we all know is false. Your family is ranging on as bad as mine. Your house is practically a wildlife sanctuary. Your mom essentially lives in her office, which is always locked shut and soundproofed. Your basement has been remade into a gaming room, dedicated to Fiduspawn and FLARP. You don’t even have stairs in your house, just ladders. To sum it all up, your house is Noah the Pirate’s Ark,”

“Noah the Pirate’s Ark? Sadly, that description does fit my house pretty well. Did you know we have a large bearded dragon that just wanders around?”

“Yes, I did know that.” Rose sighed; she had gotten attacked by the beast many times.

“Yeah. Pyralspite is a pretty evil dragon. Hates me, hates my mom.”

“How’d you even get one that big? Doesn’t it take forever?”

“It does take forever. It came from the Pyrope family; it got too big for them to care for. So we got an evil dragon, and Terezi got a smaller lizard that won’t grow huge. Seems kind of unfair, since that damn thing at my own pet. I liked my spider, but no, evil lizard-beast had to come along and eat it. So now Pyralspite is my ‘replacement pet’.”

“Ah, the infamous replacement pet. I have had my fair share of those. I got Roxy’s entire aquarium once. The fish quickly met their untimely end. No one is quite sure why.” Rose smiled; she was included in that particular ‘no one’.

“You wouldn’t believe how many supposedly toxic things I have fed that lizard. It just won’t die!”

Terezi looked over, concerned by what she was hearing. “You’re feeding Pyralspite what now?”

“Nothing worse than that marker you ate earlier,” Rose said.

“That’s not very reassuring. We had to call the Poison Control Center. You know, that thing listed on the back of anything vaguely toxic, the one no one ever calls? Yeah, we had to call it.” Terezi frowned, that marker had been horrible. 

“I would assume you knew better than to actually eat a marker, but, then again, we do seem to be a particularly special group of friends.”

As they chatted, the movie finally came to an end. It took everyone who was actually watching it a while to recover.

Karkat was the first to speak. “That movie was… actually prett-” He was cut off when John spoke.

“Amazing, right, Karkat?”

“No. I was going to say actually pretty acceptable. But in Crocker-land, where all of your crazy family apparently resides, that movie may have been ‘amazing’.”

Jade slapped Karkat. “I do not reside in Crocker-land, that’s not even a real place! And my family isn’t even that crazy! Well, they are, but that’s not the point right now. Your family is plenty crazy too.”

“How are they plenty crazy? Both of my sisters are pretty sane, I mean, Kanaya does have a fascination with chainsaws, but it’s not like there’s anyone there with completely inexplicable accents, and our house is never overrun by baked goods.”

“You say your family isn’t crazy? I have one word for you. Kankri.”

“Well, there is him, but the insanity is overruled five-to-one. In your house, the insanity level is nothing-to-seven. See the difference?” Karkat waved his hands about in some broad gesture.

“Nope, I don’t. I was never any good at those goddamn spot-the-difference puzzles.” Jade frowned. Those spot-the-difference puzzles had been the bane of her existence in lower elementary school.


	16. Chapter 16

“Hey guys. Look what I found in the yard.” Dave held up a frog for everyone to see.

“It’s a frog, Dave. Are you trying to educate us in the basics of amphibians? Do you have a salamander too in case we don’t know what one looks like? How about a toad? Do you have one of those?” Rose asked. She wondered why he did have a frog, but she was pretty sure she didn’t want to know the answer.

“Hell yeah I’ve got a toad. What kind of person comes inside without a toad?” He held up a toad to show that he most certainly wasn’t the kind of guy who comes inside without a toad.

“Ah, yes, I see that you do have a toad. So, what exactly is the purpose of having this variety of amphibians? Is there something you wish to tell us?”

“Yeah. I stepped outside to get something, and it was froggy paradise. It had just snowed frogs. The skies literally opened up and poured frozen frogs down on the earth. If I had gone out there any sooner, I would have been speared with some frogcicles.” Dave shook his head. The frogcicles were very dangerous.

“Oh no! Are the frogs okay?” Jade asked worriedly. She hoped the frogcicle part had been a metaphor, and not something that had actually happened.

“No, they’re not okay. They’re frozen into frogcicles, would you be okay if you were a Jadecicle?”

Jade frowned. Would she be okay? She wasn’t sure, although she was pretty sure cells tended to die off when frozen. 

Rose glared over at Dave. “Apologize to your friend right now. You full well know there are no frozen frogs outside, only live ones.”

“Okay, I’m sorry you can’t grasp the deeper meaning of a metaphor, and only see the surface value. I mean, I thought you were smart enough to understand, but it appears you aren’t. Go join Kanaya in the metaphorical corner of shame.”

“I’m actually not in a corner. In fact, I’m close to the center of the room. Explain to me how exactly I am in the corner of shame.” Kanaya looked around, making sure she was still in the center of the room, and she hadn’t mysteriously teleported to the corner.

“The corner is metaphorical. You are in the metaphorical corner, not the literal corner. You are in the metaphorical corner of shame because you lack the skill of understanding metaphors.”

“I still don’t quite understand. Rose, your brother’s being confusing again,” she whined at Rose.

“He means you’re in the ‘fake’ corner of shame, which isn’t a corner at all, because you don’t understand metaphors.”

“Okay.” Kanaya smiled vacantly and nodded, still not understanding at all. After a moment’s consideration, she realized Dave had been insulting her. However, she couldn’t bring attention to it without looking unintelligent, which bothered her.

“But anyways, I brought these frogs in here because we’re going on the most amazing expedition there has ever been.”

Jade and Jake leaned forward in anticipation; expeditions were always highly anticipated.

“We’re going frog-hunting. Supplies are in the garage. We’re not just going frog-hunting; we’re frog-hunting competitively.” Dave headed off to the garage, everyone excitedly following.

As they filed into the garage in an orderly manner- well, as orderly as teenagers get, they found two things. One, Kanaya’s chainsaw, and two, thirteen sets of coolers, headlamps, and night-vision goggles. 

“Seriously, why do you have all this stuff in your garage? I mean, I get a few coolers, a few more headlamps, maybe a few night-vision goggles, but all this stuff? And the chainsaw? I mean, really?” Eridan looked around, who even keeps this much stuff in their garage?

“Who doesn’t have all this stuff in their garage? Well, I don’t know about the chainsaw, but that’s not the point. And now, just like a shitty kindergarten teacher, I am going to say the magic words that send the class into complete chaos.” Dave paused, stage-whispering his announcement for effect. “We’re working in partners.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And since they're working in partners, if you want to see any specific pairs (not necessarily shipping though ((actually non-romantic pairs would be better for now)) ) but if you want to see any two characters interacting, just comment with who you want to see. Might happen, might not, but I do plan to keep the frog-hunting going for a while.


	17. Chapter 17

Rose partnered with Vriska.

“So, we’re going frog-hunting?”

“Dave just went over this. If you had been listening, you would know we’re going actually on a Cronus hunt, which will probably turn out just as successfully as all of those shows.”

“Okay, frog-hunting, just wanted to make sure.” Vriska leaned over, grabbing a bag of supplies. She tossed the bag to Rose; she wasn’t going to carry all the frogs. 

Rose flinched as the bag hit her. “Don’t throw bags at me. I am perfectly capable of walking over and getting the bag without you throwing it at me.” She grabbed her own pair of night-vision goggles and picked the bag up off the floor.

“Why didn’t you catch it?” Vriska smirked as she put on a pair of goggles.

“I don’t do this action you call ‘catch’.”

“Lame! Anyways, we better get going if we wanna catch any frogs. I saw a few teams sneaking out, including your sister and her girlfriend.”

“They’re sneaky bitches. And yes, we’ll go. I know of a swamp way back in the woods. Only Roxy, Dirk, and Dave know about it, and I doubt the latter two will think hard enough to remember it.” Rose pulled her rain boots on, standing up unsteadily.

Vriska reached out to steady her. “Don’t fall over and die, Lalonde. I’d be highly disappointed, because I think you get disqualified if your partner dies.”

“Glad to see that’s the only reason you’d care about me. We’ve got to get going, we don’t want to be last.”

“Calm down, Rose! I’m getting my boots on.” Vriska pulled her red boots on. 

“You’re done putting them on. Now, we really do have to get going. Everyone else is heading out, and we really don’t want to be last.”

“You’re right, which is a pretty rare occurrence.”

“Oh shut up.”

Once they had made it to the woods, they stopped to do a frog count. 

“I count eighteen toads and six frogs. Those damned leopard frogs, they’re too fast. You have to literally throw yourself down on the ground to catch them.” 

“Which you did a couple of times,” Rose said, gesturing to Vriska’s muddy outfit.

“Did I not just say you need to throw yourself down on the ground to catch them? Of course I was going to catch them; it’s not as if I don’t have a change of clothes…um…” Vriska frowned. Had she actually remembered to bring another outfit?

“You don’t, do you. You completely forgot to bring anything that could actually be useful, didn’t you. Well, you can borrow something of mine or Roxy’s. That’s what everyone else seems to be doing.”

“So I can get as muddy and wet as I want without having an issue. Thanks for telling me that, Rose!” 

Rose sighed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Be more specific next time, ’cause I’m going to get as muddy as I want now. Maybe even throw myself into the swamp you mentioned.”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” 

After a long while spent frog-chasing and arguing, they finally arrived at the swamp. 

Predictably, it was only them. Either Roxy had forgotten, or her group had already left. Rose was counting on the latter being true. 

“Holy shit, this place is teeming with frogs! We’re so going to win this.”

“Vriska, in case you forgot, the frogs tend to jump away when approached. What do you plan to go, swim after them with a net?” After she saw Vriska’s expression, she reconsidered. “Vriska, really, don’t. You’ll be soaking wet and miserable, and you won’t be able to change for a good hour or so.”

Vriska pulled her jacket off, along with the goggles and headlamp. “Don’t sweat it, Lalonde. I’ll be just fine.” With that, she waded into the water with the net from the supplies kit.

Rose frowned. Why had a net been included in the kit? It was almost as if the kit was designed to send you into the worst possible situations.

She watched from the shore as Vriska periodically came back with a few frogs in the net. 

“You know, you’re kind of like a large bitchy golden retriever.”

“I’m not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment, so thank you and screw you.”

“Any time, Vriska. Any time.”


	18. Chapter 18

Nepeta partnered with Aradia. 

Unlike all the other teams, they actually got along and had a fairly normal friendship, which falls under the category of inexplicable miracle. They got started without a hitch, got to the woods, and promptly lost the house.

“Oh. I was wondering why Dave and Sollux stayed behind. I thought it had to do with the judging of frogs. It turns out their goal was to sabotage everyone who went into the woods.” Aradia frowned, looking back at the now-dark space where the house had been.

“Are we lost?” Nepeta asked, slightly concerned. There were a lot of mysterious creatures in these woods. 

“Well, I’d say at least it’s not going to get worse, but, I’ve seen horror movies. This is when the flashlights start flickering.”

Nepeta opened her mouth to respond, but was startled by a slight waver in the beam of her flashlight. “Aradia? My flashlight just flicke-” She was cut off by the sound of the bulb breaking, which she took to be a bad sign. She started over. “Aradia, my flashlight just exploded. What happens after this in a horror movie?”

“If I say it, it’s going to happen, because I think we just stumbled onto the set of a really cliché horror movie.” After some further urging from Nepeta ‘please, as if we could have actually mistaken a movie set for the woods’, she elaborated. “Well, usually someone wanders off and disappears, or we start finding bodies.”

As they spoke, someone approached them. 

“Nyargh, who’s there?” Nepeta hissed. 

Terezi walked into view, hand up in surrender. “It’s me. My partner just disappeared, so I looked for the nearest group. Which was you two.” 

“Just checking, you’re not a zombie or anything, right?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“Good enough.” 

The group of three wandered aimlessly for a while, completely lost. After hearing something strange, they turned around to find Terezi gone.

“Oh shit, it’s really happening. We did stumble onto the set of a really cliché horror movie. Shit shit shit,” Aradia said under her breath, pacing around frantically. 

“Aradia, calm down. She probably just wandered off or took a different path or…” Nepeta trailed off, watching as Aradia looked around.

As they surveyed the area, they heard something shriek off in the distance. It sounded a lot like Terezi.

The two girls shrieked, attempting to run from the noise but just running into each other. 

Aradia looked up, panicky and out of breath. “Okay, just a screech owl. They live around here, right? Hahahaha yeah, just a screech owl.”

“Yup, screech owl.” Nepeta nodded, too eager to agree. 

“And that weird noise in the background is just songbirds.”

“Yep. Nocturnal songbirds.”

“And there’s not any creepy white hand on your shoulder.” 

“Uh-huh, no creepy looking hand on my shoulder.” Nepeta frowned, considering what she had just confirmed. “Hahahaha yeah I don’t see any hand on my shoulder.” She turned her head away, refusing to register what was happening. When she looked back, it was gone.

“I think it was a tree frog. Yeah, there are white handy-looking tree frogs around here. Dang it, and we didn’t catch it. I’m sure we would have gotten bonus points for it.”

Nepeta sighed, relieved to have a valid explanation. 

As they continued to hunt frogs, the creepy things stopped happening. Aradia’s flashlight never broke, the nocturnal songbird chorus ceased, and nothing of screech owls was heard. 

“Oh, look, it’s Jaspers! How’d he get out here?” Nepeta called the cat to her, but he ignored her and just ran off into the woods.

“We should probably warn Rose her cat’s out running around. But anyways, how many frogs do we have?”

“I count one squirming mass of frogs and a squirming mass of toads. So, a lot,” Nepeta said, content with her counting. 

They spent another few hours (?) collecting frogs until the house lights flicked back on. It turned out they hadn’t been that far from the house at all. They rushed back, abandoning all thoughts of winning the competition in favor of non-haunted woods. 

“We’re back!” Aradia announced to anyone who happened to be listening.

“You’re the first team back. You don’t win an award,” Sollux announced in reply. 

“Dave, you might want to warn your sister that her cat’s out wandering around.”

“Which cat, Mutie? He’s inside, and has been all day.”

“No, I think it was Jaspers.”

Dave looked over at Sollux concernedly. “Nep, ’Dia, you do know Jaspers has been dead for four years, right?”

The two girls froze, staring at each other in horror.


	19. Chapter 19

Jade partnered with Terezi.

“Why oh why did I have to get stuck with the most infuriating person on the face of the earth as my partner? Can anyone answer me?”

“No one can, because they all left while you were busy whining, dipshit.” Terezi frowned. How had she gotten stuck with Jade?

Jade happened to look over to Terezi. “Are you kidding me? You can’t wear your glasses under the night-vision goggles, that’s just stupid.”

“Yes I can. I’m practically blind otherwise; I guess I’ll just have to settle for looking stupid. Oh wait, I’m far too fabulous to look stupid in any way, ever. Can’t say the same for you, Jade.”

Jade scowled, putting her glasses on over the goggles. “Seriously? I’m the fabulous one here, not you. You’re just the dorky one following Strider around like a lost little puppy dog.”

“Good job on the description of yourself. It’s perfect, right down to the puppy dog part.” Terezi brought her hands up, clapping slowly.   
“I’m following Dave around now? Please. He’s worse than you in dorkiness levels. He has achieved all the dork tiers.”

“At least I’m not a lame-ass hipster, unlike some people I could mention.”

“I’m not a hipster, that’s too mainstream.”

“What’s your favorite band then?”

“You wouldn’t have heard of it.”

“See? Completely stereotypical hipster.”

“Oxymoron.”

“Did you just call me a moron?”

“No, I said oxymoron, a statement that contradicts itself. I didn’t call you a moron, although your lack of a basic understanding of the English language certainly justifies that statement.”

“Can I say run-on sentence?”

“No, you can’t. It’s not a run on sentence, separating it into multiple sentences would not improve anything.”

“Actually, I can say run-on sentence. I just did.”

“Irritating bitch.”

“Irritable bitch.”

Jade huffed, putting the cooler-backpack on. She wasn’t going to let the other groups beat her because she had an insufferable partner. Terezi sulked along behind her, loudly voicing any and all complaints that came to her mind.

After a few minutes of Terezi being far too quiet, she turned around to try to find out what happened. 

Terezi wasn’t there.

Jade shrugged, and continued on without a second thought.

After a loud screech echoed through the woods, she was a bit more interested in finding Terezi. Thankfully, Terezi reappeared a few minutes later. Wait. Not thankfully. Just. Acceptably? Tolerably?

“Hey Jade; don’t go over near where Nepeta and Aradia are. They wandered into a shitty cliché horror movie, and I might have added to their fear.”

“Good for you. I’m assuming you didn’t find any frogs.”

“Nope. Why would I have found frogs? I can’t carry them. You’ve got the cooler.”

“You’ve got these things called hands. You could use them to carry frogs,” Jade sighed. Why had she been worried when Terezi went missing?

“They’re too small to see? I don’t know, I just didn’t catch them.”

“Well, you better get catching them, I’m sure we’re way behind all the other teams because I have an idiotic partner who wanders off at the worst times. Get a move on, find frogs!”

Terezi sighed heavily and went off to find the goddamned frogs. Or just sit in a random patch of woods. It’s not as if she could see them well, given her vision, nighttime, and fast-moving creatures.

By the time Jade had collected enough frogs, she hadn’t the slightest clue where Terezi was. She considered looking, but Terezi had probably left her and went back to the house. She sighed. Untrustworthy partners were the worst.

On the trek back to the house, Jade heard much terrified screaming from behind her. She shook her head, laughing at her crazy friends and their antics. 

The house was much better than the woods. Dave and Sollux had moved themselves to the TV room, and had started up a movie. They had brought snacks, although they might not have been edible. 

“Hey guys! I’m back. Were we the first team back?”

“Nope, that was us.” Aradia smiled, and Nepeta waved in the background.

“What do you mean, were we the first team back? Where’s Terezi?”

Jade frowned. “I thought she had come back already.”

Dave shook his head. “She didn’t.”

“Are you saying you left Terezi in the woods, completely alone and without a flashlight?” Aradia asked, getting concerned. There was still the danger of Terezi wandering into the shitty cliché horror movie. 

“Uh, yeah? That’s kind of exactly what I did, even if I didn’t do it on purpose. Is there a problem?”

“Aw shit, we’re going to get in all sorts of legal drama with TZ.” Sollux dropped his head, letting it bang onto the table loudly. 

“Didn’t really think that one through, did you, Jade?”

“Shut up, Strider.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to your writer having far too many ideas for this and no way to put most of them in story, we now have a tumblr. It's striderlalondefamilyshenanigans.tumblr.com, and it's just an askblog for the au.


	20. Chapter 20

Kanaya partnered with Feferi.

There were no plans of frog-hunting in the group. Their goal was to find the elusive Cronus Ampora. They had double-partnered with Karkat and Eridan. In other words, a really bad group.

“Kanaya, don’t grab the cooler. Do you really expect to fit Cronus into something that small?”

“Shush, Karkat. I was grabbing to cooler because contains all of the other assorted supplies. Would you like to venture into the dark woods without flashlights? Be my guest, but I’m using a flashlight.”

Karkat huffed in annoyance, crossing his arms against his chest. 

“That’s what I thought. Now, how exactly are we going to find Cronus?”

“I don’t know. Wasn’t he on the roof at some point?” Feferi asked, still somewhat confused. How had Cronus even managed to get stuck on the roof?

“I don’t know, but he’s probably off there by now. He’s pretty good at getting out of locked rooms. And off locked roofs, I guess.” Eridan shook his head. His brother was just a piece of work.

“What, do you think he jumped?”

“It’s possible. I’m pretty sure he’s indestructible. Or something,” Feferi pondered, frowning. She had seen Cronus in a lot of situations he shouldn’t have been able to get out of okay. He always turned up the next day, completely fine.

“You know, the more you stand here arguing, the farther away from the house Cronus is able to get. So, I think it would be in our best interests to get moving.” Kanaya surveyed the group, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible. Who had even had the idea to go Cronus-hunting? Frog hunting would have been much more fun, but apparently Cronus-hunting was more important. 

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that,” Feferi laughed, running off into the woods to start the Cronus-hunt. Everyone followed behind, all far less enthusiastic than Feferi had been.

“So, is there actually a plan, or are you all just so brain-dead you couldn’t think enough to come up with one.” Karkat paused, waiting for an answer. 

“I sincerely doubt you will receive an answer worth listening to. The mind-numbing disease has been left to run rampant, and has infected their minds beyond healing point.”

“Okay, hold it. Kanaya, how much time have you been spending with the more metaphorical members of our group?”

“I haven’t been spending any additional with the more poetically-inclined members of the Strider-Lalonde family clan. It’s actually quite easy to see that you spend a lot of time with Dave. You create the most impressively metaphorical insults. It’s quite interesting to watch.”

“Shut up. My insults are the greatest thing to touch the face of this godforsaken chunk of space rock.”

“Godforsaken chunk of space rock. And you seem to be implying that I’m spending too much time with them.”

“It’s not a metaphor. Earth is literally a chunk of space rock that has been forsaken by various non-existent gods. Where’s the metaphor?”

“It’s hiding deep within the metaphorical crevasses of your mind.”

“Kanaya, I think we might need to discuss the definition of ‘metaphor’.” 

“C’mon, guys! We’re leaving you behind! Right, Eridan?” Feferi shouted from a little ways off. 

“Yeah, we’re leaving you behind if you don’t catch up real soon!” Eridan shouted, following closely behind Feferi.

“Fine, we’re coming.”

“Do it faster!” Feferi encouraged while running even farther ahead.

“I am coming; do you not see me attempting to move in your general direction? But no, you just have to keep running ahead.”

Sighing, Feferi slowed to a stop. Eridan didn’t, and slammed into her, knocking her off her feet. 

“Watch where you’re going!” Feferi snapped, glaring at Eridan.

Eridan raised his hands in apology. “You should’ve told me you’re slowing down. I didn’t know.”

Feferi folded her arms against her chest, huffing in irritation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry about my slow updating, but it's not done yet. The end of eighth grade is coming up, with around two finals in every class. So that's about twelve finals within two weeks. But you can still just ask any questions you have about this au on the blog strider-lalondefamilyshenanigans.tumblr.com.


	21. Chapter 21

“Okay, now no one, and when I say no one, I mean all of you shit-for-brains idiots- well, except Kanaya, is to wander off. Got it?”

Everyone sighed. Whose idea has it been to put Karkat in charge?

“Well, why does Kan get special respect? I’m just as mature as her, and should get the same respect she does.” As Eridan paused for breath, Feferi hit him in the back of his head. “Ow, Fef! What the hell was that for?”

“Considering yourself as mature as she is. You’re probably the least mature out of all of us.”

“Will all of you just shut up?” Karkat screeched. No one was listening.

This arguing continued for another few hours. Halfway through, Kanaya just gave up trying to reason with them and left. By the time they finished, all the other groups had returned, some in better condition than others. Roxy and Meenah looked as if a patch of briers had gotten the better of them in a fight, Rose and Vriska were both dripping swamp water, and Tavros and Gamzee hadn’t shown up yet.

Even later, it was discovered Cronus was still on the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not especially short because I am losing motivation or anything. No, this is especially short because I just finished a bunch of finals and am super stressed about what I got. School is ending, so I get more time to work on this.

**Author's Note:**

> Discontinued


End file.
